2022.09.15

Stayed at Anna's last night. We had really nice chat about our current state... all the words disappeared in my mind though. I wish I recorded our conversation... But the spirit will continue to live inside me! Anyways, I woke up pretty late since we fell asleep around 6am chatting. I had planned to meet up with Kenneth Tam for coffee near by ISCP to visit show that Dani curated.

This was public art piece at the station close to Anna's place.

Show was interesting. I really liked this piece by Pauline Shaw, Tombsweeper's Mosquito Bite (water), 2021. It was nice to meet Ken. He was so generous and kind. I was really nervous to meet him for various reasons. I think I made quite stupid first reprenstation of myself. But I tried to keep myself transparent as possible. Well, I am quite scattered when it comes to having conversation. Have to accept it. Anyways, it was nice to meet Dani and also was introduced to Haudi Lao and also saw Laurie Kang. Ajay was there too but he seemed to be pretty preoccupied so he left before having conversation. I totally understood though. Everybody there were mid-career artists... I was grateful know couple of them as friends. But it was quite hard to engage in conversation with some new people I met there, which I think it's quite natural. I'm much younger and have not much to offer to them. Plus, nature of gallery openings can be quite hectic and often you are forced to interact with people that you don't know without control. For second, I felt intimidated and uncomfortable, almost embarrassed to be there. But I asked why for myself and was easily able to reach where the feeling of discomfort was coming from. I was afraid that I wasn't in need in that space amongst the group of people. But soon I realized that was okay. Having a perspective of my own experience -- now I fully understand why people can seem "cold" when you first meet them. They just don't want to feel forced to interact with you. Let them choose -- and if I am not chosen right at that moment in that space, that is completely okay. Relationship forms in malleable ways. We can reconnect in the future or maybe we won't and that is also okay. We are all just fleeting nodes.

This f**king ice cream gave me one of the most painful stomachache ever. I got this because I was so hungry since I haven't had food since morning and was very low in sugar. Once I got to Columbia to pick up my ceramic pieces, my stomach just started to flip inside out. I was sitting on the toilet sort of half passed out... Fingers and toes were curling inside and sweating like crazy. I left and went to Nicky's place to sleep. Once I got to Nicky's the pain diminished so I managed to sleep. Gosh. Never eat sweet snacks, especially cold ones, in empty stomach!! Lesson of the day.

@Stanely house in my room 12:24am